Untitled, because so is my life

Have any of you ever heard the song "The Piano Man" by Billy Joel? Here is a link to a YouTube video with it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=se9rfWucgeY. I want you to watch it and grovel in mutual hate for it with me. It's really dumb.

I hate the feeling when you're tired and your eyelids are heavy. I also hate being hungry, but I hate being completely full. Getting up at a time between 5 and 6 am for the 6th day in a row is ridiculous. I want a nose ring. And I love Hermione.

Das ist das leben! Nimm's wie du willst.

A poem

Diphthong

Resistance

Apartheid

Me gustan tus pantalones!

Abercrombie and Fitch

Ya get what I'm saying?

Life. Makes. Me...

TIRED!

It's ridic.

The letter.

I know this note is long, but please bear with me.

If you are in a bad mood, please either a) cease reading this and come back at another time as the length might make you even more angry, or b) read it and get a kick out of it.

I think my family needs to be on a new episode of MTV's True Life called "We have to deal with stupid people on a daily basis." Maybe I should just post this to dontevenreply.com.

I thought I would tag some people who appreciate the humor in this. The tag limit was reached, so if I didn't tag you don't be offended haha.

******

The Saga Begins...
We were on our trip to New Mexico last week. My mom thought, hey, let's buy some of these random dip mixes at this random tourist shop. So we bought some, and she went on the company's website to buy some more.... who knew a small act could turn into such humor. Apparently, she had some suspicious charges on her credit card. This is what followed.

My mom's e-mail to Chimayo To Go

Hello!
I purchased several items from you last week. Over the weekend I have had some banking problems, and when I visited my bank this morning they told me that not only did I have a charge for $67.41 from you, in addition your company was trying to run a charge on my account for $8,000. I could hardly believe it, and I'm very disappointed. I have of course blocked the $8,000 charge, and I will not return as a customer if this is how you do business and greet new customers.


Reply from Chimayo To Go to my mom

The $8000 charge was a mistake. It got punched in by my cat walking over the terminal. It was never completed. Anyone with half a brain knows that if you try to run a charge that large it won't be accepted without the card holder being notified in advance. I suggest that before you judge people as crooks, you ascertian the facts. You could have called and asked, but I guess you don't really care what the facts are.

WTF mate, right? Here is the funny part. It took Emma and me probably 1 1/2 hours to write this, but I think the result was well worth it.

(I FULLY intend this message to be read in an English accent.)

Dear Mr. Cordes,

I must say I was appalled at your inconsiderate reply. You have proved to be more blunt than my 17-year-old daughter, and that, young lad, takes the prize.

In Kansas, i.e. my humble abode, we may have Toto running around the whole freakin' place, but we don't allow cats to aimlessly canter over our credit card machines. Speaking of which, is a cat even permissable in a business with food merchandise? This is an especially important regulation to consider when some of your customers, including me and my girls, are allergic to pet dander and have to invest part of that attempted charge on allergy medication.

When you are talking about half of a brain - about which half of the brain are you speaking? Cerebral experts would agree that if I only had the left side of my brain, your statement might actually prove to be correct. Left-brained people tend to be more analytical in their nature, and yes, if I were left-brained, I might manage to conclude that the $8,000 dollar charge shan't be accepted without the cardholder, i.e. Peachy Me, being notified in advance. However, anyone with even a half of their left half would know that a right-brained human being tends to possess a more creative and abstract temperament, according to my epically extraordinary middle school counselor, Mr. Long. Therefore, he/she might struggle with common social and economic norms such as knowing that an $8,000 charge must be, once again, accepted by Peachy Me before processing through the system.

But alas, most people would agree that the majority of human society cannot endure life's perils with only half of a brain and are resting peacefully six feet under our Mother Earth instead of replying to your rude and unprofessional e-mails. Given, there are rare cases, such as the 10-year-old girl from Germany who was born with only half a brain. Although she has faced dilemmas such as seizures, she is a fully-functioning human being (http://www.livescience.com/health/090727-one-eye-vision.html). According to a researcher from the University of Glasgow, the young girl still remains "witty, charming, and intelligent." That makes two of us. And I'm not talking about you.

So, IN CONCLUSION, Mr. Cordes, I'd like to say sorry you were PMSing when you sent that e-mail. Maybe YOU should ascertain YOUR facts before you hit the skids in the customer service department.


Cheerio


P.S. It takes more than tap dancing on the credit card machine to charge me $8,000 when you can't even type in a purchase amount before first typing in a long combination of numbers - equaling the card number and expiration date IN THE RIGHT ORDER - on the terminal. Para continuar en español, press one.

********************

The reply is not a reply yet pending my mother's uncertainty of the situation. I don't really care. Emma and I just had fun writing it.


-SARA

Subtitles and Bathroom Stalls

Have you ever watched a movie and decided to turn the subtitles on? The results may be shocking. Like really, how hard is it for someone to watch the movie and type up what the people on the screen are saying. Not that hard. But for some reason, every movie I have ever seen the subtitle-typer-person seems to fail. I don't think they realize they're gonna cause some legitimate lip readers a hell of a lot of confusion.

And I think they should have a new law saying that every bathroom in stores, restaurants, whatever needs to have three stalls. If it's just a bathroom with one room, obviously if you're taking a while the people outside are going to get frustrated. If it is a bathroom with two stalls, if one person is taking forever the line is actually only moving through one of the stalls, so that's embarrassing too. No, what every bathroom needs is three stalls. That way, no one is awkward, and everyone is happy!

Summer, I suppose

Dilemmas of my life
- Cocoa Krispies or Cocoa Pebbles? I personally enjoy the crunchiness of the krispies, but I am no cereal expert.
- Generic or name-brand body wash? I bought the Dollar General brand cucumber body wash instead of the Dove brand for a buck cheaper. The bottle was bigger too. We shall see.
- And why the HECK do they not call the color pink light red? You add white to green = light green. You add white to blue = light blue. You add white to purple = light purple. You add white to red = pink. Smooth.

PS. People PISS ME OFF

good day.

If I had a dollar for every time I got tipped 20 dollars by one person at work, I would have one dollar. Plus the 20. So I would have 21 dollars.