Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Things that anger me about Facebook

1. When people update their Facebook status at least three times a day. Get a Twitter.

2. When people post annoying things that nobody cares about.
2a. The music videos to overplayed radio songs that are apparently "so awesome".. we have TV. We have radios. We are children of the world. Nobody cares you know what Nickelback is, because unfortunately, we do.
2b. Pictures that you took of yourself and only of yourself. This includes but is not limited to mirror photos. Get some friends to take pictures with, or hire a photographer. *Disclaimer: this is appropriate when you are making fun of people who do this.
2c. Results from various quizzes and games. I couldn't care less how you spend your time on Facebook, but do you think we care that you planted 74 acres of corn on Farmville or got the new highest score on Sorority Life? Excuse me while I give you a freaking cookie. That is what the handy little X-button is for in the top right corner of all entries.
2d. And this is probably just a personal pet peeve of mine, but if you comment on like 70 things in one day, delete them off of your profile feed. I don't care to see the first five words of every post you make on somebody else's wall, especially "HaPPy BiRThdAyy xoxo** luv u 4evaaa", except I would probably only see "HaPPy BiRThdAyy xoxo** luv...." and then it kills me with temptation so I must click on it to see the rest of the post because I just have to see the end of this greeting to some Facebook friend I got when I was 14 and haven't talked to since and then I end up looking at all their pictures of what they have been doing for the past five years, including 4H fairs and baking cookies and millions of cheerleading team pictures and party pictures in fields where you know they are trying to discreetly hide their underage alcohol, and pretty soon five hours have gone by until I decide to delete end my cyber-friendship with that person who YOU LED ME TO VIA YOUR STUPD HAPPY BIRTHDAY WALL POST. So do me a favor and delete it off of your feed.

Moving on.

3. When people just say "lol" in a comment. Would you care ot elaborate why you are laughing out loud? *Disclaimer: the only time this is acceptable is if you are trying to be hipster and say "lolz" or something of the sort.

4. When people have flat out conversations on a status. That's what inbox or chat is for. *Disclaimer: this is interesting if the conversation is humorous. But I don't care that it's your dog's birthday.
4a. The annoyance increases 20 points if somebody else is having this conversation on something that you originally commented on, so you end up getting all of the notifications.

5. When people who have had one year of Spanish try to write in Spanglisch to other people when it's not even cool Spanglisch. Like, "Me gustan tus new shirts de Hollister lawlzzzzxoxoxo." My Denglisch will pwn your Spanglisch.

6. When people make smilies like this: (:
I actually have friends who do this, so I am not going to bash it too much, but really people.

7. When people make it incredibly public what they are doing at any given moment. Referring to number 1, get Twitter.

8. When people ask questions on their status such as: Who wants to go with me to the roller rink today?!?!?
Next time you do that, I will answer and say that I want to go and see what you say. Find your own friends and ask them yourself.

9. When people have ridiculous phrases as their "middle name." I wish you had that as your actual middle name as a way of spiting you.

10. When person A writes on person B's wall and tags person B in the post. Like... why??

I could probably think of more but I just don't even care because Twitter is awesome and Facebook is only good for messaging, chat, pictures, events, and keeping in contact with old people. Which is a lot. But seriously just use it for these things and not for spamming me okayyy thankssssss