Monday, December 14, 2009

The Internet

Who is in charge of the Internet? Or, in the words of Bush, the Internets? In the words of Truman, where does the buck stop? A girl gets kidnapped because she posted the exact time and location of her tap dance lessons. Who is to blame? Myspace? Or the "Internet"? What is the Internet?... I would like to know.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Monday, December 7, 2009

Facebook Status Etiquette

Do you ever just want to comment on what people you don't even know write on your friends' Facebook walls? Or what these people comment on your friends' photos? Because seriously, when someone writes a wall post that just says "lolz ok" I just want to say, "REALLY?! WAS THAT EVEN NECESSARY TO POST ON SOMEONE'S WALL? I think I just got smarter from reading that." But I don't because you know, it's not nice to be mean to strangers, even in cyberspace.

It's even more annoying when your actual Facebook friends do this. You just think to yourself, how could I possibly allow myself to be friends with people who become fans of pages such as "I hate it when teachers give pop quizes." Well, first of all, maybe if you listened in class you would learn how to spell "quizzes" correctly.

I also hate it when people make their smilies like this (: instead of like this :) and when people feel like they need to give a constant play-by-play of their daily lives via status. "hanging wit the girlz then goin to the movies then hot tubbin it up then watchin gossip girl.. callortexttitt:)"

No one cares. Be original.

I think that's it, for now. Everyone should download the song "According to You" by Orianthi because it's catchy.

Good day.

-Sara

PS- Snow days > bacon

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Three Truths

Truth #1: I feel sorry for blind people. They can't play bubble bazinga! At the same time, they probably get more of their schoolwork done than I do. Pah. School.

Truth #2: I hate it when really obese people come into my place of employment and order too much food. I just want to say, hey, why don't you try the small peanut butter malt instead of the large peanut butter malt since you're already getting yourself a slab of pie, too. But I say nothing. I remain silent. I gladly grant their requests. Your wish is my command. Just call me Lumiere.

Truth #3: "A ship in the harbor is safe, but that's not what ships are built for." -Unknown

-Sara

Monday, November 9, 2009

Epic pronunciation revelation

I just learned yesterday that the first C in the word Celtic can be pronounced like an S or a K! What an epiphany. The years of agonizing that have gone into this!!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

The Drinking Fountains

I think that if there are two drinking fountains next to each other, there should be just one line behind them, instead of two lines. If one line is moving faster than the other, then the people in the other line get cranky. If there were to be just one line behind both of the fountains, then the next person in line would go to the next available fountain. That way, the people who had been waiting the longest would get the drinks first.

And the water is free, except the fountains are in schools paid by our tax money.

Oh, healthcare. If only.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Points for future reference in yo liiiifeee

Point for future reference #1: Don't let pancake batter sit and harden on the bottom shelf of a fridge so that I have to scrub/scrape it up. It is gross. But I got paid to do it so I guess I can't complain.

Point for future reference #2: I can outsmart websites. Because I'm smart.

Point for future reference #3: If a school is going to have a HOMECOMING, they need to not plan on the same weekend as an EPIC SWEDISH FESTIVAL so that we can have a PARADE! Okay.

Point for future reference #4: I don't like zits under my nose, so they need to stop existing.

-Sara

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Breadstick seasoning from P-Hut is the best, and I still love Law and Order.

Ahh, gotta love journalism work nights. Breadsticks (which I end up paying the majority of anyways) never tasted to good. One thing I don't understand, though, is how people can epically fail at grammar as much as they do. I know I am not perfect, but really. Do. You. Speak-ah. English? Same with dancing/walking to the beat. I don't understand how you can't hear that a certain beat is 2 and not 1. Butt eye gess not evreewon kan b smart lyk me in da brane.

In the words of John Mayer, say what you need to say. (I think it was Cari and I who were discussing how there is a possibility he could be a jerk. Not saying he is a jerk, just saying he could be a jerk, just because he is that awesome that he might have a jerkish ego. But what do I know about him.)

And... that is it.
Oooh look at this nice photo as well. It will inspire you. I love C, K, S, & K 4evaz.



© Rachel Loder :)


Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Spirit Week

I thoroughly enjoy Mr. Huxtable-inspired sweaters. On my government teacher.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Piano Man: Part II

So you know what WOULD happen the week after I post about about how much I dislike the Piano Man.. that would be the sole source of entertainment at our honors reception. Like really. This guy rewrote the lyrics and, however clever they may have been, I was definitely hating it. I was actually laughing. But trust me, it was hate.

I hope they read this because I left my blog site on the comment card. :D

Top four reasons why I am cool

These aren't really the top four reasons why I am cool. It's basically just four reasons why I dislike people. Which makes me cool.

1) Why do music teachers love playing tests? I don't understand... like you really need to make the kids slave away and stress out over a GarageBand recording. Oh wait, MY BAD, Microsoft Word. ESPECIALLY WHEN MY MICROPHONE IS BROKEN. They must not have anything better to do. I would suggest that during their free time, they could maybe look up some cooler music instead of grading unnecessary playing tests. No one cares.

2) I pwn at scholars' bowl. Balsa > PFTK's.

3) People having PDA at school is simply annoying. Like really. Your facial area does not need to be plastered against someone of the opposite gender's neck. (Or of the same gender - whatever floats your boat.)

4) When I'm a parent, I will be amazing. That is all I'm going to say since my mom Internet stalks me.

Good day.
-Sara

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Untitled, because so is my life

Have any of you ever heard the song "The Piano Man" by Billy Joel? Here is a link to a YouTube video with it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=se9rfWucgeY. I want you to watch it and grovel in mutual hate for it with me. It's really dumb.

I hate the feeling when you're tired and your eyelids are heavy. I also hate being hungry, but I hate being completely full. Getting up at a time between 5 and 6 am for the 6th day in a row is ridiculous. I want a nose ring. And I love Hermione.

Das ist das leben! Nimm's wie du willst.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

A poem

Diphthong
Resistance
Apartheid
Me gustan tus pantalones!
Abercrombie and Fitch

Ya get what I'm saying?

Friday, August 28, 2009

Life. Makes. Me...

TIRED!
It's ridic.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

The letter.

I know this note is long, but please bear with me.

If you are in a bad mood, please either a) cease reading this and come back at another time as the length might make you even more angry, or b) read it and get a kick out of it.

I think my family needs to be on a new episode of MTV's True Life called "We have to deal with stupid people on a daily basis." Maybe I should just post this to dontevenreply.com.

I thought I would tag some people who appreciate the humor in this. The tag limit was reached, so if I didn't tag you don't be offended haha.

******

The Saga Begins...
We were on our trip to New Mexico last week. My mom thought, hey, let's buy some of these random dip mixes at this random tourist shop. So we bought some, and she went on the company's website to buy some more.... who knew a small act could turn into such humor. Apparently, she had some suspicious charges on her credit card. This is what followed.

My mom's e-mail to Chimayo To Go

Hello!
I purchased several items from you last week. Over the weekend I have had some banking problems, and when I visited my bank this morning they told me that not only did I have a charge for $67.41 from you, in addition your company was trying to run a charge on my account for $8,000. I could hardly believe it, and I'm very disappointed. I have of course blocked the $8,000 charge, and I will not return as a customer if this is how you do business and greet new customers.


Reply from Chimayo To Go to my mom

The $8000 charge was a mistake. It got punched in by my cat walking over the terminal. It was never completed. Anyone with half a brain knows that if you try to run a charge that large it won't be accepted without the card holder being notified in advance. I suggest that before you judge people as crooks, you ascertian the facts. You could have called and asked, but I guess you don't really care what the facts are.

WTF mate, right? Here is the funny part. It took Emma and me probably 1 1/2 hours to write this, but I think the result was well worth it.

(I FULLY intend this message to be read in an English accent.)

Dear Mr. Cordes,

I must say I was appalled at your inconsiderate reply. You have proved to be more blunt than my 17-year-old daughter, and that, young lad, takes the prize.

In Kansas, i.e. my humble abode, we may have Toto running around the whole freakin' place, but we don't allow cats to aimlessly canter over our credit card machines. Speaking of which, is a cat even permissable in a business with food merchandise? This is an especially important regulation to consider when some of your customers, including me and my girls, are allergic to pet dander and have to invest part of that attempted charge on allergy medication.

When you are talking about half of a brain - about which half of the brain are you speaking? Cerebral experts would agree that if I only had the left side of my brain, your statement might actually prove to be correct. Left-brained people tend to be more analytical in their nature, and yes, if I were left-brained, I might manage to conclude that the $8,000 dollar charge shan't be accepted without the cardholder, i.e. Peachy Me, being notified in advance. However, anyone with even a half of their left half would know that a right-brained human being tends to possess a more creative and abstract temperament, according to my epically extraordinary middle school counselor, Mr. Long. Therefore, he/she might struggle with common social and economic norms such as knowing that an $8,000 charge must be, once again, accepted by Peachy Me before processing through the system.

But alas, most people would agree that the majority of human society cannot endure life's perils with only half of a brain and are resting peacefully six feet under our Mother Earth instead of replying to your rude and unprofessional e-mails. Given, there are rare cases, such as the 10-year-old girl from Germany who was born with only half a brain. Although she has faced dilemmas such as seizures, she is a fully-functioning human being (http://www.livescience.com/health/090727-one-eye-vision.html). According to a researcher from the University of Glasgow, the young girl still remains "witty, charming, and intelligent." That makes two of us. And I'm not talking about you.

So, IN CONCLUSION, Mr. Cordes, I'd like to say sorry you were PMSing when you sent that e-mail. Maybe YOU should ascertain YOUR facts before you hit the skids in the customer service department.


Cheerio


P.S. It takes more than tap dancing on the credit card machine to charge me $8,000 when you can't even type in a purchase amount before first typing in a long combination of numbers - equaling the card number and expiration date IN THE RIGHT ORDER - on the terminal. Para continuar en español, press one.

********************

The reply is not a reply yet pending my mother's uncertainty of the situation. I don't really care. Emma and I just had fun writing it.


-SARA

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Subtitles and Bathroom Stalls

Have you ever watched a movie and decided to turn the subtitles on? The results may be shocking. Like really, how hard is it for someone to watch the movie and type up what the people on the screen are saying. Not that hard. But for some reason, every movie I have ever seen the subtitle-typer-person seems to fail. I don't think they realize they're gonna cause some legitimate lip readers a hell of a lot of confusion.

And I think they should have a new law saying that every bathroom in stores, restaurants, whatever needs to have three stalls. If it's just a bathroom with one room, obviously if you're taking a while the people outside are going to get frustrated. If it is a bathroom with two stalls, if one person is taking forever the line is actually only moving through one of the stalls, so that's embarrassing too. No, what every bathroom needs is three stalls. That way, no one is awkward, and everyone is happy!

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Summer, I suppose

Dilemmas of my life
- Cocoa Krispies or Cocoa Pebbles? I personally enjoy the crunchiness of the krispies, but I am no cereal expert.
- Generic or name-brand body wash? I bought the Dollar General brand cucumber body wash instead of the Dove brand for a buck cheaper. The bottle was bigger too. We shall see.
- And why the HECK do they not call the color pink light red? You add white to green = light green. You add white to blue = light blue. You add white to purple = light purple. You add white to red = pink. Smooth.

PS. People PISS ME OFF

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

good day.

If I had a dollar for every time I got tipped 20 dollars by one person at work, I would have one dollar. Plus the 20. So I would have 21 dollars.

Friday, May 15, 2009

PHILIP DEFRANCO IS GOING ON TOUR

Okay, I know, two updates in two days - so unlike me! But I just wanted to make you all aware of a great man. His name? Jesus Christ. He was good.
But really, I also wanted to make you aware of another good man, Philip Defranco. Check out his youtube:
www.youtube.com/sxephil

He's funny. Funnier than Bo. And that's saying a lot.

Please vote for him to come to Wichita!!

Demand DeFrancos RoadTrip in Wichita!
DeFrancos RoadTrip in Wichita - Learn more about this Eventful Demand

View all Wichita events on Eventful

Thursday, May 14, 2009

like omg guyzz i made a baby wit zac efroooonnnn..

Wow that is a fugly baby.... just thought I would share.
-Sara

PS. Like the new colors of the page? I thought you did.

Friday, May 1, 2009

McDonald's is sexy

So, it really perturbs me when people sit around and complain about how bad McDonald's is for you, when the majority of restaurants you eat out at on a regular basis are equally as bad. Don't believe me? Let's compare. (I'm doing Chili's and Applebee's just because I think most people have gotten a lot of different things from their menus.)

We'll start with the salad.
McDonald's: Premium Southwest Crispy Chicken Salad-430 cal, 20 g of fat
Chili's: Southwest Cobb Salad-1080 cal, 70 g of fat (that wasn't even the worst salad)
Applebee's: Low-fat Asian Chicken Salad (obviously not low in calories)-714 cal, 9 g of fat

Burgers
McDonald's (plus fries since that's usually what you get with a meal from the other two): Big Mac + small fry-770 cal, 40 g of fat
Chili's: Jalapeño Smokehouse Bacon Big Mouth Burger-1692 cal, 120 g of fat
Applebee's: Brewtus Burger-1274 cal, 83.2 g of fat

Dessert
McDonald's: McFlurry w/ M&Ms (12 fl. oz.)-620 cal, 20 g of fat
Chili's: Molten Chocolate Cake-1150 cal, 60 g of fat
Applebee's: Triple Chocolate Meltdown-726 cal, 31 g of fat

I could go on and on but that's all I'm going to do for now. If you want more nutrition information for these restuarants you can use the sites that I used:
http://nutrition.mcdonalds.com/nutritionexchange/nutrition_facts.html
http://www.thedailyplate.com/nutrition/search.php?q=&b=Applebee%27s&page=1&so=cals
http://www.brinker.com/gr/nutritional/chilis_nutrition_menu.pdf

..I think it might be a good idea to start looking up this stuff before you go out to eat. It's kinda nasty.

-sara

PS- This is for Selene. The only reason you wouldn't put your two weeks notice in would be if that guy tried to molest you in the bathroom. Then you'd just walk out.

okkkk that is all.



Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Scent of OJ

DOES ANYONE ELSE THINK THAT ORANGE JUICE SMELLS WEIRD? Because that was becoming the case with me a few weeks ago, with our tropicana high pulp orange juice. So I told my mom, hey, why don't you buy some different orange juice. Because something that tastes so magically delicious should not smell so weird. So right now I am drinking our new orange juice.. and it still smells weird. whaaaaaaaaaat

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Prombomb.com

Ahhh Prom. Another day to perpetuate the commercialization of American society. Another day for girls to wear too much make-up and dance like they need a pole and stay up way too late. And I'm going to do it ALL! 

Thursday, April 9, 2009

ACH SO, MEIN SCHATZ!

Ahh I love Germans. From the land of the polka and schnitzel. 
Reason I'm saying this is because my German pals are here until the 18th and it elates me. Especially the fact that my bff Michelle is living at my house.. she's the best. Mostly when she yells cuss words on Main Street.
Random question: Is sin inevitable? If Jesus died for everyone, did he die for the children of mothers who were raped? Because wouldn't that mean that God knew that person was going to get raped? Maybe that person had to get raped in order to let that person be born so they could do something awesome to save someone else maybe? But that doesn't really sound fair. 

Sorry just thinking out loud. Or out.. quiet? 

I would like to give a shout out to my friend Becky (not my boss Becky) and say that I hope she gets better now because I love her. 

Okay that is all. Band is fun.

-sara

Saturday, March 21, 2009

A watched pot never boils.

Whoever thought of this saying was a stupid genius. Redundant? Possibly. Because yes, it may seem like the pot takes longer to boil when you are not preoccupied with other things such as tv, homework, internet porn.. but it still takes the same amount of time. It will eventually boil. It will. Unless the stove isn't on.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Ordering Eggs

Legit question: Does anyone really know how to order eggs at a restaurant? Because I always order scrambled. And tonight I was making eggs for my supper and I realized that I don't scramble my eggs when I make them myself. So then I realized that I know nothing about the incredible edible egg, and I know everything, so this was a shock. I just had to know more!

I then proceeded to google this inquiry, and came up with some interesting schtuff. Apparently according to some internet idiot there are 21 ways to order an egg but they did not inform me of these ways so I just collected some random ones. Obviously there is scrambled and sunny side up which sounds utterly gross and runny. There are hard-boiled and soft-boiled eggs, and then there are poached and eggs in the form of an omelet. THEN there are over-easy, over-medium, and over-well, which is kind of like ordering a steak but instead of the amount of redness it's the amount of runniness, and I'm proud to say I make mine over-well! (For Cari: vändstekta ägg med pickad gula!!) Obviously over-well is much easier to say.

But I am just so excited I know this now! New days are always full of new random facts to explore!

So the next time I go to IHOP I am going to be a pro and say "Excuxez-moi, but I would NOT like my eggs scrambled. I would like them over-well!!" (note the French accent referring to previous post)

Hopefully all you loyal readers can find your dream eggs too!

-sara

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Accents: A Brief Overview

I find it humorous how an accent can make something sound cooler. Or make YOU cooler as a person. Really. It's true. But there are certain accents that are cooler than others.. 
-British accents = the epitome of cool. Really, if you're a guy with a British accent and add "bloody" in front of everything you say, then you are at the top of my cool list. You could be a crazy anime-addict with like 70 piercings around your lips and you would still be neat. Girls with British accents can sometimes seem snobby at times.. but really they are the coolest at heart. This is why I often try to impersonate British people. I want to be on someone's cool list too!
-French accents = not quite as cool as those Brits but still quite snazzy. However, I find it funny that it is so freaking hard for French people to talk English.. if an American tries to talk French and like epically fails they sound retarded. But if a French person epically fails at talking English then they are.. chipper? I don't know. But ven eh guy talks like zis eet eez quite fantastique! (Girls on the other hand.. still sound like snobs. But I'm sure if you'd get to know them they'd be decent.)
-Australian accents = Steve Irwin revival. Kind of cute at first, more annoying as time progresses. It's actually more annoying in guys.
-Swedish accents = awesome, but maybe I'm biased.
-Nigerian accents = weird.

So.. yeah!
-sara

Friday, February 13, 2009

"Pedro"

I have been told that I should make a blog post about a certain someone at my school. 
So here we go. His codename shall be.. "Pedro."
Pedro is really cute and funny. He used to be really short but now he's sprouted up a bit and has even started to grow some facial hair that makes him look rugged in a totally good way. Pedro also has a song for every situation and he sings all the time! But I think it's cute. 
The sad news is I rarely see Pedro because the only class I ever really talk to him in is history. And sometimes English. But I would just like Pedro to know that he is the bestest ever and that everyone loves him! 
yay

-sara

Friday, January 30, 2009

Wal-Mart Fast Lanes: A Consumer Report

I was pretty sure that the point of the self-checkout lines at Wal-Mart was that they were meant for convenience if you have just a few things to check out. I guess I was wrong. Because this lady with two kids tried to check out her weight's worth times ten in processed foods and beauty products and I was RIGHT BEHIND HER. W. T. F. It was almost as annoying as Sarah Palin, and that's saying something. But seriously. I was tired. The people behind me were tired. Her kids were tired. WHERE IS THE LOVE?! 

Apparently not at Wal-Mart, that's fer dang!! 

Monday, January 19, 2009

Naming body wash, and other unnecessary random facts

Here is a dang good question:
Why do perfume, shower gel, lotion, etc. companies always have to name their freaking products after things that don't freaking make sense? This I do not understand. Like okay, yesterday my mom bought some shower gel at Bath and Body Works. She was actually in the store and called me to see what scents I wanted. I was like, "Um, I don't know, what do they have?" So she started reading me the titles of every single freaking thing on the sale rack and the only one that made sense to me was cucumber melon, not even kidding. I was like umm is it necessary for corporate America to be messing with my head like this? NO. No it is not. So of course I pick three random scents. Something amethyst, sea island cotton, and dancing waters. Do any of those scents make sense to you? For one, amethyst is a gem. February's birthstone, actually. So does that really have a scent? No. OH WAIT, I know, the hard work and sweat of the people who mine it out of the ground! But it actually smelled pretty dang good. And sea island cotton? What does cotton smell like? Nothing, that's what! Yet this shower gel miraculously has quite an addictive scent... and dancing waters, that cracks me up. Because seriously, if I really wanted to smell like water, I think I would just take a shower WITHOUT shower gel. Duh, Bath and Body Works. Duh. 

Arch nemesis:



So Kristina and I are supposed to be working on a 30-minute sociology presentation right now. Ummm. Yeah. I think I'm just going to post some random facts instead. We've had quite an eventful morning anyways, researching the Watergate Scandal and all. First of all, what kind of a last name is Nixon? For real, I find that name annoying. 

So here come the random facts (all from a bathroom reader! ha)
• The scientific name for a hiccup is a singulthus. *hic* "Oh sorry, I'm singulthusing."
• Nissan (the car company) invented the artificial butt to test car seats.
• Time is actually getting shorter. 280 million years ago, a year lasted 390 days.
• Alaska's state flower is the forget-me-not! (EASY TO REMEMBER! ha)
• New Jersey is the only state without a state song.
• Each of the Statue of Liberty's fingernails weight about 100 pounds.. 
• The average smell weighs 760 nanograms.
• Winchester, Virginia, was captured 84 times during the Civil War.

Good ways to annoy people:
• Call an addiction hotline and say you're hooked on phonics.
• Ask a stranger if he/she has change for a nickel.

Bah.
Welp.
I'm out.
-sara

Friday, January 9, 2009

(Wo)men's Rights

Screw women's rights. What about men's rights?
I think that we should have a male dance team. And I want guys to bake me brownies on my birthday! If men and women should be equal, then I think girls should have to spend as much time in the weight room as the guys or that men should have to give birth to sextuplets. Men and women were not meant to be equal, obviously. Maybe in social aspects but I think it's gone a little too far. Girls need to stop freaking out. If being unequal means that I don't have to go fight in a war, then I'm perfectly happy being oppressed!!