Saturday, August 14, 2010

I'm thinking about making this my bucket list.

Found this in the Lucky 13th edition of Uncle John's Bathroom Reader. (Seriously the best and most informative books ever - you should check them out.) I picked out some of the good ones I liked.

How to Drive People Nuts

1. Wash out a gas can, punch a hole in it, then fill it with water and carry it down a busy lunch-hour sidewalk while smoking the biggest cigar you can find.

2. Call the Q-tips 800 number and say that one of the cotton swab parts just came off in your ear. When they reply, keep shouting, "What? What? What did you say?"

3. Go to the polar bear enclosure at the zoo and shout, "C'mon Larry, enough's enough! Take off that costume and come back to the office!"

4. Fill an inflate-a-date with helium and release it at rush hour on a windy day. Chase it down the street, yelling, "Come back here, you tramp!"

5. In the middle of the night, noisily bury a fully dressed mannequin in your backyard. Arrange lawn furniture on the fresh mound and sit down in it quickly when the police arrive.

6. Get a video camera and microphone and chase a local TV news crew around. Interrupt on-the-scene shots by shouting questions like "Where have all the cowboys gone?"

7. Ask strangers if they have change for a nickel.

8. In the bathroom at work, utter loud, pain-wracked screams, then emerge holding a large hen's egg.


PAHAHA okay sorry I thought they were funny.

I leave in the morning for Germany. We'll see how this goes. I also never wrote my letter to Zac Efron, so maybe I'll just have to find some hot Germany celebrity to stalk.


Tuesday, August 10, 2010

A clean closet and a fan mail fiasco

Many of you may know that about two weeks ago, I locked myself in my room to clean. I guess I don't really know how I managed to pull that off since my door has no lock, but it's a figure of speech. But anyways, this was no normal cleaning. Oh no. This was a massive genocide of any and all items in my way on the path to a peaceful mind. Along the 12-hour journey, I found some interesting items I would like to share with you.

1. Old CD's, including Aaron Carter's "Oh Aaron" and a Jessica Simpson single. Featuring Lil Bow Wow. Also, all the basics including, Britney's "Hit Me Baby One More Time" and her self-proclaimed album "Britney" with the hit "I'm a Slave for You"... very sexual for a 10-year old to be listening to, wouldn't you say? The original Backstreet Boys album is still my favorite, though.

2. Hit Clips. If you don't remember what those were, you are NOT missing out. Pre-mp3 player mini keychain unnecessary item that you put little square microchips into with photos of artists such as Hilary Duff. It played like a minute clip of a song and cost like 3 bucks. WASTE OF MONEY. Personal favorite: Independent Woman I by Destiny's Child. "All the women who are independent, throw yo hands up at me. All the honeys who makin' money and wastin' it on Hit Clips, amputate your hands and throw them up at meeeee."

3. The Babysitter's Handbook. I've always wanted to know how to spoon feed infants. Because I definitely needed to know how to do that at age 12. WHO WOULD LEAVE THEIR INFANTS WITH A 12-YEAR-OLD?

4. Is it lipstick? No, it's a pen. Discreetly disguised as lipstick. Muahahaha.

5. All of my school supplies from middle school and high school. I was SUCH a hoarder. I'm surprised TLC did not come busting down my front door.
-Exhibit 5a. 20+ issues of our beautifully crafted middle school newspaper, the Cedar Street Journal. LMS was definitely a happening place. I did find out that I got a I- on my vocal solo in 8th grade. Clearly, I was not as good as Annika, John, or Zach though, who all got a 1+. Shuckydarns. It mattered that much.
-Exhibit 5b. Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No! It's Punky Brewster's tamed dragon! True title to an essay written by Weston, Kristen, Kendra, and me in middle school.

6. Second grade memory book. "My teacher's name is Mrs. Heitschmidt. I like her because she doesn't get mad that much and she's pretty." Also sounds like a description of Sarah Palin...if only life were so simple.

7. I found out that I hated working with other children even in fourth grade. I wrote on something that I hated reading teams. I bet Jordan was on my reading team. Sorry.

8. Discovery: I have gotten worse at art over my lifetime. And I sucked before.

9. Book I wrote and illustrated: "Girls Incorporated." Something about malls and smoothies. Like Sarah Dessen on meth.

(Why are all of my creepy allusions to famous people named Sarah? Ehhhh...don't name your kid that.)

Welp anyways, that was just a little bit of my fun journey. I also found a journal dedicated to Daniel Radcliffe and Emma Watson. If anyone cares.

So I decided that today, I was going to write some fan mail to my favorite celebrities. Seeing as Bo Burninghambutt is out of the question after last year's attempt to contact him, I chose my other two favorites: Zac Efron and Lady Gaga. Seeing as I can't find an address for Lady Gaga, looks like I will be writing to Zac. He rocks.


PS I leave on Sunday. Yikesizzle.